Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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