dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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