You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
