rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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