we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
