I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
