why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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