'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
