I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
