how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
