I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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