Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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