from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize