I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
