If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
