either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i think i just lost a toe
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
