Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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