At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
