Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
