it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
