you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
