please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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