So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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