So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
