TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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