someone threw a dead crab at me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
