I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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