I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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