apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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