you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
