Screwed.edu
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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