there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
