you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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