Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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