the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
