My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
