i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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