even my farts smell like vagina
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
