All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
