dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
