My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I love having hate sex.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Randomize
