You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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