there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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