I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
