Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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