i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
