Screwed.edu
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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