His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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