you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
