If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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