pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
zippers are such a cool invention
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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