recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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