You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
