Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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