can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
