So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
