So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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