there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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