She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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