I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
