I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
