I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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