Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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